REBLOGGING

I haven't blogged in over three months. When that happens, it's always harder to start again.

I feel compelled to apologize or explain, even though I know no one minds but me. Actually, it might even be me that I feel like apologizing to - to my concept of myself as a blogger, maybe. Bloggers don't just disappear for three months. I feel like I need to legitimize myself with promises for the future.

The thing is, five years or more in (I don't really remember) I still don't know exactly what this blog is about. I think I worry about my audience too much, which is funny, because I hardly even have one since my last address change. I worry about being a mommy blogger and then writing something scary about Dark Rituals. I worry about being a "serious" blogger and then boring people with pictures of my kids. Mostly I just worry about not posting for three months, and then I don't post anything because I'm worried.

A lot has been going on for me recently, in a mostly good way. It's nothing super huge, but it's felt kind of chaotic. I'm not great at focusing, or juggling. Sometimes I feel like a super lucky unschooling mom, sometimes I feel like a serious artist and sometimes I even get around to thinking deep thoughts. Rarely two or more at the same time, though, not to mention things like having a sudden whim to learn to program, keeping my hand in at natural medicine or having a house that anyone can ever see, ever. Five years in, I still have no idea how these things are supposed to work together. It's kind of like my blog.