30

Thirty- it's a little hard to believe. Mostly, I feel pretty good. I think I'm happier than I was when I was twenty, more confident, and I've definitely accomplished more. I feel lot more like myself.

On the other hand, I feel a little like I should have done more by this age. I've done some really cool things, like traveling around the world, becoming a professional freelancer, and of course getting the best husband and baby in the universe. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time, though, and not always because I was having too much fun. Really, having a baby has been a big kick in the pants in the right direction on that score. I have a much better idea of what working hard is like, now, and I doubt if I will ever waste time in quite the same way again. Plus, as James pointed out, how much better it is to be having this feeling at thirty than at, say, fifty.

And, inevitably, I feel a little bit old. I mostly think I'm handling this well and keeping it in perspective, but I do notice that I sometimes have a harder time than I used to finding photos that I like, and things of that nature. I mentioned this to James, too, and he said, "well, we all fall apart and die eventually..." He is such an optimist. But I guess he is still crazy about me, so really I have nothing to complain about in that department.

In terms of the of actual day, my birthday was great. I woke up to breakfast birthday cake, visited a few of my favorite nature spots, had a great date with James (sushi dinner) and finally got a tattoo! I'd been meaning to decide by the time I was thirty if I was ever going to get one, and I waffled up to the last minute, but finally decided to take the plunge. I've been thinking about it for over ten years, so it can hardly be blamed on a moment of youthful indiscretion. Right now I'm still a little in shock, but I think I love it, and some day if I decide I hate and regret it, I think I'm going to be okay with that, too.

Really, if I turn fifty some day and getting this tattoo is my only major regret, I think that'll mean I've done a pretty good job.