Back in the Groove

Today we did our round of errands, walking a few miles and carrying a week's worth of laundry and groceries on our backs. After that I spent most of the day with River while James worked on the tin ceiling in the downstairs space. While the munchkin napped I caught up on writing busywork, and tonight we're going to clean our apartment before we go to bed. I had a great birthday week, but it's kind of funny how good I feel about getting back to work.

It's definitely taken me a while to get to this state. For more years than I care to admit, few things felt better to me than avoiding any work that wasn't strictly necessary. When I think about this, I'm reminded of the unschooling concept of "deschooling"--basically the idea that, although kids find plenty of ways to learn when left to their own devices, they often require a period of serious goofing around with nothing that even resembles book learning when they first get out of a more structured environment.

I think that for a long time, working too much really felt like losing my independence or giving in to something I was being forced to do. Recently, though, I think I've managed to internalize the idea that I'm the one who benefits from working on things I care about, and the one who suffers when I find reasons not to get around to it.

Of course, there's definitely such a thing as too much work, and I do occasionally find myself falling into the freelance trap of spending my personal time checking up on work occasionally. There are days when I'd trade my left arm for an extra hour or so of free time, and days when ditching work and acting totally irresponsible still feels like the most liberating thing in the world. On those days I usually follow my gut, and wallow in sloth. But being aware of this pattern of work avoidance followed by lots of work helps me see the bigger picture, and try to ride that wave along with all the other rhythms of life.

Today, I'm surprisingly happy to be working.