In general I think of myself as someone who's very comfortable with uncertainty and chaos. I'm the kind of person who does things like, for example, move into a new house that needs a lot of work less than a month before my baby is due. Sometimes I tell James that it's a good thing we like to dive into stuff we aren't really prepared for or we'd never get anything done at all, and for the most part I really believe this, at least the part about diving into stuff.
This is also a good attitude to have, I think, while mentally preparing to give birth. It's a huge deal, and one that I don't really think it's possible to be completely prepared for. Which, again, is totally fine with me, and kind of thrilling. I tend to enjoy the feeling of being subject to the whims of the universe occasionally, and of course we're getting really excited to meet Violet, however it ends up taking place.
Unfortunately, something I really really don't enjoy is being subject to the whims of other people, particularly when I have to go through them to get the things that I want, and planning a birth in this time and place is very, very frustrating on this level. We're hoping to have a home birth with a lay midwife we really like, but I found out recently that the hospital-based nurse-midwives we were hoping to use as a backup plan are not at all down with this plan. Meaning that unless we can come up with another option, our backup plan for any complications is to show up at an emergency room somewhere to get a luck-of-the-draw OB and no time to negotiate. ZOMG!
Anyway, I recently finished reading pioneering midwife Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, and was amazed and frustrated by their statistics. For example, of all clients (all clients) that started prenatal care with the Farm midwives, only 1.4% ended up with C-sections! The national average is around 20% or higher, and the hospital-based folks I was working with are proud of their figure around 10%, even though it's probably significantly increased by their legal policies about things like risking out breech births, which aren't particularly unsafe at all. Right now, this feels like a ridiculous numbers game to me. How much should I concede what I want and believe is (biologically if not logistically) possible in order to gamble on a worst case that's half as bad? I'm so frustrated by this, and I know that that attitude isn't doing my any favors either, in terms of preparing for what comes next...I feel like I have to defend myself from the huge behemoth that is the modern medical establishment, while simultaneously trying to get comfortable enough to accomplish the small miracle of giving birth.
(Other than that, stuff is good. But really, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.)
Our national c-section average is 36%. It is a disgusting atrocity. :(
ReplyDeleteI tried for a homebirth and ended up transferring to a random L & D doctor and still had a good birth. I had a super homebirth friendly doctor who asked me very casually, "So, do you want to keep the placenta?" I know that it is scary to risk being transferred like that (cause I've done it) but sometimes the universe takes care of us. Sometimes it doesn't though.
I agree with you that it is ridiculous the way birth is treated in this country. I flippin hate our healthcare system.
When River was born we tried for a birth-center birth and ended up having to transfer to a hospital but were still able to have a midwife deliver him, which was lucky because the supervising physician wanted to do a c-section but the midwife made him give me another hour. In retrospect I resent being rushed (because I don't feel it was necessary and made the birth more traumatic) but I'm also incredibly grateful that that midwife was there at all... so I don't know. It could go well at a random hospital, I'm sure, but I'm not too excited about the prospect.
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling exactly this way with Toby. It's so frustrating that we're stuck choosing from a handful of mediocre to bad options.
ReplyDeleteDo you know if you've exhausted all of your options? Maybe if you keep looking you could find a different midwife with a better back-up arrangement.
On the plus side - it's your second kid - so it should be easier! right? :) good luck!
"Maybe if you keep looking you could find a different midwife with a better back-up arrangement."
ReplyDeleteIf only there WAS a logistical way to score a better back-up arrangement, I would find a way to heave my body into performing perfect cartwheels, but I can't do those anymore & logistically AND legally, there's not a better back-up option here in PA.
I am a doula in PA, and although we are lucky enough to have lay midwives the nurse midwives have their hands tied by the system and it more than disgusting. I remember recently getting very frustrated by a couple of nurse midwives when they were rushing one of my mommies to birth before 42 weeks. She was a first time mommy who was WAY too content being pregnant, so I knew she was not mentally in the game. The rush seemed too forced and in my opinion a bit heretical coming from the midwives. What I did not realize was, in order for them to offer their beautiful birth options (no home births sadly) in their birthing center, they had certain 'rules' they had to follow or risk losing their licenses. This may be the case with your midwives. I hope and pray that you have your baby's birth just the way you want, in the right time. Many birthing blessings to you!
ReplyDeletehere homebirths are more "legal" than they are in PA, but still no OBs will be backups for CPMs and so if we end up transferring with gus we will get a random OB at our closest hospital. not very awesome, and some OBs are total asshats about it, some are not. the idea of having to transfer does NOT appeal to me. HOWEVER -- if we should have to transfer, our MW will be accompanying us as our doula. is this a possibility that you have considered? i realize it's not quite as awesome as being able to have her as recognized somewhat medical staff, but this still would put her in a position to advise and support you if an OB was pressuring you for an intervention that you weren't sure was immediately necessary.
ReplyDeleteanyway, just a thought.
and gosh you're going to be doing all this SOON, aren't you?! :) good luck with your beautiful birth!
ps just curious -- what will river be doing during your wee babe's birth?
Yeah, our midwife will be coming with us if we transfer, so hopefully that would help. Also, we've talked about that if for any reason the situation seems unusually risky right at first, that we will go ahead and go to the midwife center instead of staying home, but that's not looking too likely.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, soon! As soon as possible, hopefully. I'm already 39 weeks, due next Wednesday (on my birthday) and really really hoping that Violet won't hold out 42 weeks like River did. Oh, and a friend is coming up to hang out with River, assuming she can brave the snowy driving. Hopefully he'll be okay to at least be in the house, and can choose how much he wants to be around the birth or not. He's fascinated by birth videos, but the real thing may be more complicated, obviously (and of course, way way longer).
that sounds pretty much like our plans too! good luck! hope v comes earlier for you :) :) and that everything is uneventful but beautiful :)
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