The Other Nine Best Things I've Learned

Erica took the bait in my last post and asked, "By the way, what ARE the best things you've learned?" Here are the additional top ten that come to mind, in no particular order (and I'll try to keep them quick). Looking over the list, most of it boils down to trusting myself, I think.

1. Well, yes, do follow synchronicity. When strange coincidences start to come into your life, particularly around certain topics, try to follow them and see where they lead. When you get interested in something new and the very next day you meet someone who can teach you more about it, take them up on that. And so on. Mostly, really amazing stuff seems to happen when I do this.

2. Journaling really helps. When the synchronicity and the creativity aren't flowing, especially, or when I'm feeling out of sorts. I learned this practice from the wonderful book The Artist's Way, and it is my absolute top self-help and/or mystical recommendation to pretty much anyone. The method suggested is to write stream-of-consciousness style about absolutely anything for twenty minutes every day. I am consistently blown away by how much less blocked I feel when I stick to this habit.

3. People in positions of authority aren't necessarily right. I've found there is a huge difference between knowing this in theory and knowing it in practice. It applies to doctors, academics, and politicians, among others. It also applies to other hyper-confident individuals with aggressive styles of communication, including particularly those who use "conventional wisdom" to back up their claims.

4. You can make art if you want to. I've really come to believe that intrinsic talent is overrated. Sure, it exists, but I'll take desire and practice over that stuff any day. If you really follow your own instincts creatively, you're not guaranteed any recognition, but you're fairly certain to impress yourself eventually.

5. Nobody will make sure you get what you deserve, but you still deserve to be happy. For me, struggling with sexism has been a real challenge in my life. I'm still a passionate feminist, and I think raising consciousness about various types of privilege is incredibly important. But, we can't wait until all that is fixed to be happy. And to be happy, we have to do the things we want to, regardless of how hard they are or how they are likely to be received. Nobody else can do this for us.

6. Freedom is an action, not a reaction. I've spent more time than I would like rebelling (subconsciously) against things I don't feel I should have to do. For example, I don't have to be employed, clean my house, or have a spiritual life just because society thinks I should. I'm glad that I really really know and believe that at this point. But I'm also glad that I've realized I can do these things for myself, and can appreciate the results of my effort.

7. Everybody just wants to be happy. This is an important principle of Mahayana Buddhism, and one I've spent a lot of time thinking about. Parenting has also really impressed me with the truth of this saying. No one sets out to be a bad or disliked person, some people just never learn how to deal with their problems constructively, or for whatever reason can't bring themselves to do so. This doesn't mean I let people "get away with" anything they want to do, but it does mean that I judge others a lot less than I used to. And when that attitude comes naturally to me, I tend to feel happier.

8. There are other ways to parent. Personally, I'm incredibly glad that I know about unschooling and unconditional parenting.

9. Just because it works for me, doesn't mean it works for everyone. I tried to keep these concepts pretty general, because more specific things are hardly universal. Just because I suddenly become obsessed with yoga, for example, doesn't mean that other people should do the same. Except for journaling, of course. Everybody should do that.